Just when I thought that everything was finally starting to fall into place, my body has yet again decided to do what it does best – and royally screw up, just in time to get in the way again! I am seriously starting to think that I was created as one big walking disaster area – just for the comedic value of whoever decided to create me. So what is it this time, I hear you ask – well, sit tight, here is the story of why yet another condition has gotten in the way of Stanmore!
As some of you will know, my thyroid has been a little special since my little love affair with high dose steroids (seemingly this was just another unlucky coincidence). Although my symptoms seem to have played opposites to the diagnosis that fluctuates between subclinical and clinical hyperthyroidism. Rather then the weight loss, heat intolerance and issues with having too much energy, I am colder then ever, exhausted beyond belied and my weight has ballooned into something resembling a small hippopotamus. Just my luck following weight gain from steroids!
After over a year spent asking my useless GP to do more then blood tests, I was finally referred to a specialist by the amazing GP who has been covering her maternity leave. She also referred me for an ultrasound to look at my thyroid.
The specialist found a nodule after checking my neck (something that should have been done when my blood tests first came back abnormal), and the ultrasound confirmed a single nodule. The theory was that this was the thing causing my thyroid to be overproducing – however, my body is never that simple.
So, she ordered a radioactive thyroid scan. Due to the thyroid being the only part of you that takes in iodine, this is rather a nifty idea. I ate a low iodine diet in the week before, and duly turned up to the imaging department with no idea what to expect. Sat with a magazine for a short while before a nurse all garbed up with gloves and apron shouted ‘Next victim please’! He was fab! Out popped a metal box which encased the radioactive iodine, and this was injected into my arm – a little stingy, but not horrific. I waited around for a half hour or so, and then was led into the room for my scan. It took about 40 minutes in total, lying with my knees bent and head back. I did have to get some help from the nurse to get up again as my back had seized up – I felt like a 90 year old! Considering I spent 40 minutes having a lie down, I was surprisingly tired, and it took me a heck of a long time to get over. There aren’t often reactions to this test, but it turns out I was starting up a flare up of suspected Mast Cell Activation Syndrome – I spent the next 6 weeks literally not being able to stay awake, eyes running and so dizzy I couldn’t stand up, all of which started to dissipate as soon as I started taking antihistamines on the off chance they would help when the doctor drew a blank!
The scan was expected to show a hot nodule. This would mean that as the nodule would be overproducing, it would be absorbing more iodine then the rest of the thyroid. With my body being my body however, it actually showed up as a cold one!
So, after a month of not knowing the result, I was surprised to find a letter in the post for a second ultrasound. On calling up to question why I would need another so soon, it turns out this one would be with a fine needle aspiration.
Again, I rocked up at the imaging department (I was feeling like I perhaps aught to bring a pot plant and move in by this stage), and waited nervously for someone to stick a needle into my neck. Once in the room, I was introduced to the doctor, and had an ultrasound so that they could find the nodule. He then started getting out the equipment, and just before injecting the local anaesthetic (by far the worst bit) asked me to try not to punch him mid procedure! Anaesthetic in, they again used the ultrasound to pinpoint the right place, and then used a needle to scrape some of the cells, and then repeated this again for a second time in a slightly different position. After the excitement I was free to leave – I had a dressing over my neck, and due to being allergic to plasters, I got a different sort and was promised it looked much cooler then the others. He even suggested a few amusing stories I could give people to explain my new look – I do love doctors who are up for a laugh! My throat was sore, and my swallowing was painful for a couple of days, but nothing too major.
The results from this were most likely to be fine, and I was told it was a precautionary measure rather then anything to worry about. Unfortunately, it turns out that this was not altogether accurate. I ended up with a few critic clues in the post, from a not altogether helpful NHS. The first was that my results ‘need further discussion and have been referred on for this’. That is all I got! It is hard not to worry with that sort of letter, but I still tried not to think much of it.
The next letter took over 6 weeks to come through. With so much time in-between, I figured there would be nothing to report, but I was not so lucky. The next cryptic clue I received stated that my ‘results have been discussed, and and a surgeon will be in touch’! Just my luck. So, after an awful lot of detective work, discussion with my GP and phone calls I was told that I had a nodule classified as U3 THY3f. After more phone calls trying to get hold of my consultant, she explained that this mean that my nodule had cells that were ‘in a grey zone’, meaning that there are suspicious cells present, but they can’t be diagnosed as either benign or cancerous without further exploration. As another biopsy would show the same result, this means the need for a partial thyroidectomy.
Saturday just gone, I had an appointment with an ENT surgeon. He was lovely. After trying to remember my long list of diagnoses and medication, I was petrified that he would think I was prone to making up my illnesses, but thankfully this was not the case. He spoke about the surgery – it should take about 2 hours, and may or may not have a drain depending on the size of the cavity and bleeding once the half of a thyroid has been removed. I will also need to be in hospital for at least one night, possibly longer depending on if my body is behaving itself. He then had a feel of my neck, and then used a camera to look down my nose into my throat – not the most pleasant procedure I’ve had.
Surgery is booked in for the 18th of December, just in time for christmas. I am struggling slightly with this for a number of reasons. Mostly I just feel that my body has let me down yet again. I have finally gotten to Stanmore, and my admission was supposed to be at the beginning of the year, butagain something else has screwed up. I feel like its a dream I just can’t get to. Stanmore could mean that I can actually start getting better, but how can this happen when I can never get to it? Every time I start finding a way to get better, my body keeps pulling me back under – and this isn’t even an EDS thing. So far on top of EDS, POTS and all of the other conditions they bring with them, I have had optic neuritis which royally screwed me over, the BRCA2 gene and now this. How many more things will go wrong?
I am reaching my limit with what I can cope with in this body, and feeling truly trapped. I desperately want my life back. I want to feel well, to work and to leave the house more then once in a blue moon. I want a life without pain, without the constant worry of whether something else is going to go wrong that I have absolutely no control over. I want to be normal, but I can’t do anything about it. Living in this body is torture.